Who Me?

Self-doubt. It’s real. We all experience it. I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t had my fair share of it over my lifetime, especially the last several days. It’s quite intimidating to write down what’s going on in your heart and mind and then just throw it out there for literally all the world to see…and critique.

Thankfully, you all have been so kind and encouraging to me and for that, I am so grateful. But the realist (or is it the cynic) in me knows that at some point, the criticism will come. I try to act like I don’t care. And I know I’m not supposed to, but sometimes, I do. Sometimes I question if I really heard God right. Did he really want me to write? To bare my soul to the world? Will this really help anyone? Am I doing this so people will notice me? Is this really about me? Am I crazy?

I think you get the idea. And my guess is that if you’re really honest, you’ve had self-doubts too. You probably just didn’t vomit them out to the World Wide Web (Yikes!).

But here’s the thing…it’s not about me. And when I sit with the Lord in the quiet of the morning, still my heart, and sip my coffee, I’m reminded of the verse in Luke 9:23 that calls me “..to deny myself, take up my cross daily, and follow Jesus.” And it hits me: Denying myself includes denying my self-doubt too. Because let’s face it, it’s not really self-doubt I’m struggling with. It’s God-doubt. 

Do I really trust God? Do I trust his voice? Do I trust that following Jesus is truly worth any potential criticism or challenge that may come my way? Do I trust that if God said to write, it’s for my good and his glory? Well, do I?

I do. 

Do you?